Life with a view

Angela Nolan

Leader Staff

Keep resolutions in perspective

At the new year, many people think of making a New Year's resolution. These resolutions run the gamut from getting in shape to quitting smoking to reading the Bible more.

What you will hear most about resolutions is that they're doomed to fail. You may hear the term, "some things never change" cynically spouted in relation to people and their habits. Having known many people who have made drastic and lasting changes in their lives, I would beg to differ. The problem with most resolutions is that they're made on the fly, aren't well thought out and are not seriously desired by the resolver.

If you have something you'd like to change in your life this year, there are a few simple things you can do to assure your success and put you on the fast-track to resolution success.

First, make sure it's a positive intention that carries you toward your commitment. Frame your language to make the change a source of fulfillment and pride. Instead of saying, "I have to stop smoking", say "I look forward to freedom from cigarettes."

Rather than, "I've got to get this weight off," try "I'm going to feel so good when I weigh 10 lbs. less." Focus only on the positive aspects of the change, not on the slight uneasiness that all change, whether good or bad, brings.

Also include a lot of positive self-talk every chance you get. This can include statements like, "I'm a good person. I deserve to do this for myself." People often mistakenly think that feelings create thoughts when in truth it's entirely the other way around. Change your thinking and your feelings will follow.

Second, develop a plan. This may sound simple, but you would be surprised how many people think they've decided to do something yet have no concrete plan in place for how to go about it. Creating your plan will reinforce to your brain, body and heart that you're serious about the change. Take the time to write out your plan, reinforcing the positive aspects, and be very specific about the steps you will take. Implementing your plan will begin to make your resolution a reality.

My resolution this year, for example, is to get back in shape. My plan is to go to the gym on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday and take a belly-dancing class on Friday. I made sure my plan was doable before committing to it. I have many other responsibilities, so I didn't set myself up for failure by planning to work out every day. Be very detailed in your planning and make sure it's a plan that is realistic for your life.

If you can, find a friend or mentor to share your goal. Even if this person is not going to participate with you in the activity, the act of sincerely telling someone else that you want to make this change in your life, and you'd like their support, will go a long way towards cementing your resolution. It's great if you can find someone who will participate with you, but be cautious. You may find they're not as firm in their desire for real change. In that case, they will probably drag you down before you pull them up.

Make your resolution a sacred contract. If you are of a religious or spiritual nature, you will want to make this pact with your higher power. If not, make it sacred for yourself or your family. Applying this influence to your decision creates fertile ground for profound personal growth and more satisfaction in daily living.

Above all, do not be discouraged if you falter. There are always good times to start again. A new moon is especially auspicious for beginnings and those come every month, not just once a year.

If you do find yourself slipping, here's a little quote I use to put things in perspective: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." (Emerson)

None of us is without the need or desire for positive change. We're human, after all, it's included in our condition. Part of having a rewarding and complete life is in striving to improve ourselves and our situation. So, by all means, go for that new year's resolution.

Failure is just what we do until we get it right.