I need directions to Beer World

There are beer commercials on at 10 a.m. Yup, football season must be here.

You can always tell when pro football season starts and the baseball season is getting exciting, cause the beer manufacturers really ramp up their commercial time, from about 20 percent of every waking hour to 75 percent.

You can't go 10 minutes without seeing a beer commercial these days. Heck, it's gotten so bad they're now showing Coors Light commercials during Martha Stewart Living ("When I was in the slammer for five months, all I could think about was a nice, cold, easy-drinkin' Coors Light…")

What's amazing isn't that advertisers are trying to reach that critical target audience of males between the ages of 10 and 92. It's just how stupid beer commercials have gotten over the years.

It's all because of Beer World.

In Beer World, everyone is thin even though they drink a lot of beer. All of the men have really nice hair on their heads and not a stitch of it on the rest of their bodies, and all the woman have large breasts and clearly have never had children.

But that's the beauty of Beer World. You can drink all day and all night, and nobody gets pregnant, there's no sexually-transmitted diseases, no hangovers, no date rapes, no showing up late or getting fired from work, and no regrets the next morning. Just cold, smooth, easy-drinkin' Busch Lite.

The commercials are hilarious. One of my favorites is the Busch ad where two men and two women climb to the top of a mountain, and hang glide off of it, only to land right next to a cooler of ice-cold beer.

Let me make sure I understand this. They hiked into this remote area to go hang gliding, climbing up 5,000 feet of steep terrain, and they thought it would be a good idea to drag a 40-pound cooler along with them on a 10-mile hike in high altitude? Yeah, that happens in the real world.

Coors Light has been doing really well this summer by using by far the best eye candy. But you can't accuse them of being sexist because they have as many boy-toys in their commercials as the do female eye candy. It's all about the Coors Light Beer Train.

You've seen the ads. The train is being loaded in some remote, cold area (probably Golden, Colorado, right?). It's like Santa's sleigh, only instead of little elves loading it up with toys, they have these guys stacking case upon case of beer into this big refrigerated Beer Train.

The Beer Train doesn't have any passengers or operators, only beer, and apparently its mission is to spread joy and good cheer — and beer — throughout Beer World, making dozens of good looking yuppies laugh and get drunk.

The next scene is a whole bunch of male and female models playing beach volleyball, wiping the sand from their six-pack abs and large bikini-clad breasts, pausing only to admire each others' abs and breasts. And then the train comes, and POOF!, everyone has a beer in their hands and everyone is laughing, thinking about all the anonymous partners they are going to have later that night with no consequences. What's not to like?

The Coors Beer Train continues to a NASCAR event, where everyone is sweating and clearly needs a beer. Believe me, if there's one thing you should associate beer with, it's operating a motor vehicle. And ask any medical professional, and they'll be sure and tell you, beer is a great way to rehydrate yourself on that hot summer day at the race track.

And that's the best part. I mean, who thinks up this stuff? Everyone is eagerly awaiting the Super Bowl for the ads, but heck, I think the regular season has the most hilarious stuff on TV.