Among Other Things: Move reveals even more surprises

Surprises are still popping up as a result of moving my home office from the basement to the main floor. Came across a May 3, 1990, column that reported a few laughlines from the late Bert Hochmark's collection of comments and jokes between 1963 and 1966. Here are some of my favorites:

"What's that which all love more than life, fear more than death or mortal strife? That which contented men desire, the poor possess, the rich require, the miser spends, the spendthrift saves and all men carry to their graves?"

Bert promised the person giving the first correct answer a prize — an authentic 50 million mark German Reichsbank Note, Sept. 1923 issue, No. NN22129758. The late Bill Copeland was the first to answer correctly: "Nothing."

Another question posed was, "What word possesses more esses than possesses?" Answer: Dispossesses possesses more esses than possesses."

Bert observed that customs officials on the American side of the Canadian-U.S. border used to set this trap to catch people trying to illegally enter the country by claiming U.S. citizenship. They were asked to name the last three letters of the English alphabet. If they said, "X, Y, Zed" instead of "X, Y, Zee," it was presumed they were not Americans.

The law of compensation is one of the important so-called natural laws. You may have observed, for example, that when a person is born with his right leg shorter than his left leg, then his left leg, in compensation, is longer than his right leg..

Sign in a restaurant: "Customers who find the waitresses rude should see the manager."

The trouble with many a husband is that he wishes that his wife could make bread like his mother, while she wishes that her hubby could make dough like her father.

A miser is not much fun to live with, it is true, but he does make a wonderful ancestor.

And in some copies of the Polson Rotary Club's newsletter of that era were these:

If you ever see an editor who pleases everybody, he'll be neither sitting nor standing. But there'll be a lot of flowers around him.

The interstate highway cloverleaf is well on the way to becoming our national flower.

A couple asked a real estate agent if he could find them a $5,000 house. "$5,000? Sure," he said, "let's ride around and see if it's still standing."

To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake.

While awaiting an appointment in a doctor's office a man observed a woman at least 75 years old charge out of the doctor's office screaming.

"What's the matter with her?" he asked the doctor.

"I told her she was pregnant."

"It isn't true is it?"

"Nope, but it sure cured her hiccups."

And, finally, in a kindergarten class a lad asked the teacher for permission to go to the lavatory. Permission granted, he left the room only to return in a few minutes to tell the teacher he couldn't find it.

Carefully, she took him into the hall and pointed to the door. Again he came back saying, "I couldn't find it."

This time the teacher asked another boy to go with him. When they returned, the boy sent as a guide reported success. "We finally found it. He had his pants on backward."