House fire one of many hurdles caretaker faces

Connie Woods smiles a lot for a woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Woods is not only faced with replacing all of the possessions she lost in a house fire that destroyed her rental home in September, but she's also tasked with getting the lives of two people back on track — two people who rely on her for almost every daily need.

Woods is the caretaker for her 89-year-old stepmother and 36-year-old nephew, a full-time job that means she's part home care nurse, cook, housecleaner, mental health advocate and general caretaker — roles that often leave her stretched to the limit physically, financial, and emotionally.

Her stepmother is almost completely bed-ridden and relies on bottled oxygen to get her through the day, while Woods' nephew has a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder and agoraphobia — a fear of social settings or being outdoors — and both need constant attention.

The Sept. 11 fire that started in the attic and destroyed much of their rental left them temporarily homeless, and without any basic possessions, save for the oxygen tanks and wheelchair a Sheriff's deputy and Polson police officer were able to rescue (see story below). Despite losing everything, and being the primary caregiver for two adults with acute medical needs, Woods somehow manages to keep her chin just above water, although she concedes it's often difficult.

"I didn't have renter's insurance. My new landlords had fire insurance for the structure only, and they had just purchased the house three months earlier," Woods said. "But that's life. What can you do?"

She finds herself pondering that question often since mid-September, after living in Polson for three years after moving to the Mission Valley from California. While most residents find the valley and Flathead Lake a relaxing source of recreation, beauty and peacefulness, Woods hasn't had much chance to enjoy any of it.

She's had to watch one sibling battle cancer, while another was in a serious car wreck. Although she has family in the area, Woods shoulders all of the responsibility of caring for her stepmother and nephew.

Because of the medical needs of both her charges, Woods is awake throughout most of the night, and usually sleeps only in three-hour intervals.

"I try to get seven to eight hours of sleep a day, in three-hour stretches," she said. "They try to let me sleep, but if they have needs …"

Ironically, the constant demands that keep her awake at night is also probably what saved their lives. Both Woods and her nephew were awake when the smoldering fire flared up in the attic, and made it's way down through the ceiling and walls of the house.

"If you guys hadn't been awake, you would have been asphyxiated," Woods said Polson fire chief Tom Maloney told them later after the fire was under control.

Polson police officers Travis Scheibe and Chris Wright, and Sheriff's deputy Patrick O'Connor all responded to the scene and helped get the three safely out, and Scheibe and O'Connor managed to retrieve Woods' stepmother's oxygen tanks and wheelchair - about the only things salvaged from the blaze.

The three then spent the next few days at a local motel until they could locate a new home, where Woods' nephew had to confront a double nightmare of being out in public after living most of the past few years as a complete shut-in, while having to adjust to the new environment of a hotel room, complete with germs, some real, but most perceived.

On top of that, Woods had start-up costs associated with moving into a new house, and she lost more than 100 gallons of heating oil that couldn't be transferred from the old place.

The bill for the two hotel rooms was more than $1,000. While both Woods' stepmother and nephew receive Social Security benefits, they are all funneled back into the cost of taking care of them, with almost nothing left over.

Terrified of his new surroundings, Woods' nephew didn't sleep for two days. While a nurse who specializes in mental health patients comes to see him twice a week, it's difficult for the nurse to provide him with the level of specialized care he needs, Woods said.

The $600 a month in Social Security disability benefits he receives goes almost exclusively to treat the symptoms of his problems, not for treatment itself, Woods said. She has to purchase hundreds of dollars worth of Kleenex, plastic utensils, and paper bowls and cups, to keep up with the demands of his disease.

"He uses the Kleenex to touch any surface. I spend most of the $600 just on the Kleenex each month, which he uses to touch almost any surface. He makes big piles of it, up to the ceiling," Woods said.

Her nephew won't use any utensils other than prepackaged plastic ware, and he goes through three to six packages of Styrofoam cups a day. He throws out almost-full bowls of cereal, after just having a few bites, before pouring another bowl which is also largely wasted.

At point, her nephew was going through 33 rolls of paper towels a day, as he washed his hands obsessively, Woods said.

Woods cares for her stepmother, who was once a semi-famous Hollywood stuntwoman in the 1940s, and Woods said she feels an obligation to care for her because her stepmother took care of Woods' children while Woods was going through a divorce.

But it's her nephew she worries about the most. His mental health problems are a constant reminder of Woods' son, who committed suicide at age 29, the victim of schizophrenia.

"He had a real good future as a computer programmer," Woods said. "He jumped out of a window."

Woods said she lacks the medical know-how to adequately help her nephew fight his OCD and fear of public places, and without the proper care, she feels he's not really improving that much. The house fire and resulting change of residence - his sole environment - has made things much worse, she said.

"I was trying to get help for him, and then 'boom!' - this hits," she said. "So now, we just have to try to get back on track with that.

"I'd do anything to keep him alive," Woods said of her nephew's obsessive habits. "I'm mainly concerned about him."

In an effort to maintain her own emotional health and well-being, Woods enrolled in a self-help course on positive thinking. Her sister also has encouraged her to explore the Bible more, Woods said.

"I have no time to go to church [due to the caretaking duties], but I study the Bible with my sister," she said. "I definitely have faith in God. A lot of people have problems, major problems, but I just want it to stop. I need a little break."

Woods said in studying the role of caretakers, she's learned that they have a propensity to "fall apart" after shouldering other peoples' burdens, in addition to their own. She does find some solace in the positive-thinking course, but she wonders if it's enough to help her get through this tough time.

"We don't understand sometimes why these things happen, but they say they will never give you more than you can handle," Woods noted.

She looks across her living room, at the few pieces of secondhand furniture she's managed to accumulate, as she starts over a life for not just herself but the two other adults who depend on her.

"But sometimes you wonder," she said.