Dodge ball anyone?

A little off the top

By Ethan Smith

I miss dodge ball.

Remember way back when, when school children were allowed to hurl a big red rubber ball at each other's heads from close range? Boy, those were the good old days.

Here I am, at the ripe old age of 34, reminiscing about the good old days.

I was talking with some friends last weekend about all the things that had changed since we were in school, which wasn't too long ago, and even today's school environment has changed a lot — some good, some bad.

Of course, my grandfather has some good stories, but it's amazing to me just how much has changed since I was a student. We got on the topic while discussing recent homecoming dances.

Many high school students still can't dance, probably because they were sober at the time, while even in Lake County there's one or two openly and not-so-openly gay students now — something that would have been unheard in my small town in Virginia, which was similar in demographics to many towns here (although we had a gay music teacher).

I think that's why that Bucky Covington song "A Different World" is so popular. He sings about how his crib was painted with lead paint, nobody wore seatbelts or bike helmets, and bottled water didn't even exist. His mom smoked, too (Oh, the horror!). He also sings about going out for a team and getting cut, and how he still turned out OK.

I remember those days, when students were actually cut from a team. And Bucky is five years younger than me. These days, no cuts are allowed until you reach the high school level. Might damage the kids' self-esteem to find out they aren't the best basketball player in the world because they've been playing too many video games instead of practicing their jump shot.

Which brings me back to dodge ball. I grew up in the last generation of students when you could hurl a rubber ball at someone else's head, and not get suspended for it. But dodge ball has fallen by the wayside, in part because kids getting beaned in the head will have lower self-esteem, presumably.

I can see why the weaker kids wouldn't like to get plunked, but they just went and played on another part of the playground if they didn't want to play dodge ball. Perfectly understandable.

The loss of dodge ball won't cause the downfall of Western Civilization, but I can't help but wonder if we coddle kids too much instead of letting them grow up.

There's nothing wrong with trying to find out ways to make a kid feel special or good about themselves, but it's a problem when 70 percent of your son or daughter's classmates are on the honor roll every semester.

(Next time we print them, add up the total number of names, and then divide by the entire class population.)

Still, there's some good things that have happened along the way that emphasize accountability. I actually get ticked off when I see a dad driving by with three kids jumping around in the back of the SUV, not strapped in. Pregnant women who smoke in public risk getting blessed out now. Not so when I was growing up.

When I was growing up, our football and baseball coaches chewed tobacco right in front of us. I'm not talking about a little pinch between your cheek and your gums, either. I'm talking a hunk of Levi Garrett the size of a baseball in their cheek, with enough spitting to fill a quart jar by the end of practice. So, we adapted by not sitting right in front of them during the pep talks.

You're not even allowed to smoke in the high school parking lot now, while watching your kid's football game. It's against state law.

I've actually chaperoned some high school proms here in the valley, and was pleasantly surprised to find that almost all the kids were stone cold sober — a far cry from many of my high school dances.

While putting every kid on the honor roll isn't going to help them in the long run (in my opinion), there's an increased emphasis on accepting students for their differences, which reduces racism and discrimination, and that's a good thing.

Progress? Yeah, I guess so. We have "time out" now. I wish we had time out when I was growing up. Then my butt wouldn't have hurt so much from all the spankings I got. (Spanking, apparently, is now a form of child abuse.)

There's good news though. Even as I'm writing this, we got a fax at the office from Kalispell Parks and Rec.

They're sponsoring a dodge ball tournament. I'm psyched! It's open to teams of any shape or size, as long as you are older than 15. (If you are younger, you might suffer from low self-esteem if you lose.)

This will be a way for me to relive the glory of intentionally hurling a rubber ball at the head of another human being at close range, without being arrested.

Suddenly, I'm optimistic about the future.