Democratic dessert Or why politicians should read their horoscopes

By Jennifer McBride

Typewriter Tales

It's called saving the best for last, or that's what Montana Democrats would like to think as they stand patiently at the finish line of a very contentious primary. Montana closed the last poll booths in the nation in the Democratic primary Tuesday, beating South Dakota for the honor of finale host by virtue of a later time zone. Ironically, the fight for the democratic nomination came down to a state which voted for George W. Bush by 21 percent in 2000.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton (and Bill and Chelsea, too) have been stumping back and forth across Montana attempting to grab its scant 25 electoral votes, only 17 of which actually come from voters. The remaining eight are in the hands of Montana's superdelegates.

The sixteen votes that come from Montana's ordinary people will be split down the middle of the state like one vast Montana pie. Five of the delegates (because we're not voting for candidates, we're voting for delegates who will vote for candidates at the convention) will come from western Montana, following the boundaries of the old congressional district, back when Montana had two voices in the House of Representatives instead of one. Five votes come from eastern Montana. The other seven will be selected based on the state-wide results.

Of course, despite nominally mattering, Montana Democrats won't really have much say in their future presidential nominee. Barack Obama has already racked up an absolute majority of delegates. Even if Hillary Clinton picked up every single vote in Montana and South Dakota, she would still be the one-legged horse trying to run the Kentucky Derby. On Tuesday, when the Leader starts going to press, CNN put Obama only 48 delegates short of the magic number necessary to win the blue ribbon.

At the time I'm writing this, I have no clue whether or not Clinton has stepped aside. For all I know, Obama slipped on a banana peel, burst into tears and announced that he's been hiding weapons of mass destruction in his crawl space. But I'm guessing not. I'm guessing Obama won Montana overwhelmingly. The only thing Clinton has going for her is history — the last time Montana voted for a Democratic president was in 1992, for Clinton's husband.

Actually, I do know, because Obama's victory is written in the stars. According to research conducted by a vodka company, a Leo (Obama) has never lost a presidential race to a Scorpio (Clinton). While a Leo and a Virgo (McCain) have never gone head-to-head before, the Leos tend to win 36 percent of the time while the Virgos tend to win 33 percent of the time.

But as the dust settles, all I can think is, boy, what a ride. Or round one of a very long ride. How many trees will they kill with their mailers between now and November? Will, Obama, honorary Crow Indian, blow off his new "family" as Democrats have been blowing off solidly blue demographic groups (gays, blacks and pot smokers) for years? Is America really ready for a black President?

We'll have to wait five months to find out. Or, I guess we could call Miss Cleo.