Friends … Lend Me Your Ears

Dan Drewry, Publisher

Editor's note: William Shakespeare is an astute, if jaded, observer of the American political scene as the 2008 election draws near. Like many of us, he is tired of bickering, empty promises and blather from both sides. His somewhat curmudgeonly attitude came through in an exclusive interview.)

Q. Will, where does America stand with less than a month before the election?

A. "Our country sinks beneath the yoke; It weeps, it bleeds, and each day a gash Is added to her wounds." - Macbeth, IV, iii, 39.

"Mischief, thou art afoot, take what course thou wilt." - Julius Caesar, II,ii, 1.

"How cams't thou into this pickle?" - The Tempest, V, i, 281.

"Would I were in an alehouse!" - Henry V., III, ii, 12.

Q. Did you watch the Democratic and Republican conventions?

A. "The rabblement hooted and clapped their chopped hands and threw up their sweaty night-caps and uttered such a deal of stinking breath." - Julius Caesar, I, ii, 246.

Q. Yes, but the Republican nominated John McCain.

"Ripeness is all." - King Lear, V, ii, 11.

"Though I look old, I am strong and lusty, for in my youth I never did apply Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood." - As You Like It, II, iii, 47.

"I am a very foolish, fond old man, Fourscore and upward, not an hour more or less, and, to deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind." - King Lear, IV, vii, 60.

"I have no words: my voice is in my sword." - Macbeth, V, vii, 6.

"O flesh, flesh, how thou art fishified!" - Romeo and Juliet, II, iv., 39.

Q. So you don't think much of McCain? What about Barack Obama?

"I am a feather for each wind that blows." - The Winter's Tale, II, ii, 152.

"He is a dreamer, let us leave him." - Julius Caesar, I, ii, 24.

"Ambition should be made of sterner stuff." - Julius Caesar, III, i, 83.

"Mislike me not for my complexion, the shadowed livery of the burnished sun." - The Merchant of Venice, II, i, 1.

"The devil hath power To assume pleasing shape." - Hamlet, II, ii, 611.

"The devil damn thee black, thou creamy-faced loon!" - Macbeth, V, iii, 11.

Q. Did you watch the vice-presidential debate, Will?

A. "The Retort Courteous…the Quip Modest…the Reply Churlish….the Reproof Valiant….the Countercheck Quarrelsome, and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct." - As You Like It, V, iv, 73.

"Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat." - Romeo and Juliet, III, i, 23.

Q. Yes, but what about Sarah Palin?

A. "She speaks, yet she says nothing." - Romeo and Juliet, II, ii, 12.

"All orators are dumb when beauty pleadeth." - The Rape of Lucrece, 268.

Q. And Joe Biden?

A. "Who knows himself a braggart, Let him fear this, for it will come to pass That every braggart will found an ass." - All's Well That Ends Well, IV, iii, 349.

"There's small choice in rotten apples." - The Taming Of The Shrew, I, i, 134.

"There comes the trout that must be caught with tickling." - Twelfth Night, II, v21.

Q. It doesn't appear, Will, that you are very impressed with either the Republican or Democratic ticket.

A. "A plague a both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me." - Romeo and Juliet, III, i., 108.

"He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil." - The Comedy of Errors, IV, iii, 65.

Q. Any words for Hillary, Will?

A. "Get thee to a nunnery, go; farewell." - Hamlet, III, i, 222.