Big Arm Celebration
Big Arm squad captain Paul Maurer (background) goes to battle with a young water warrior during the 2009 Polson-Big Arm Challenge at the Big Arm Festival on June 27.
As the sun rose over the plains of Big Arm on June 27, one could sense that the two city states, Polson and Big Arm, would collide in a water war that would rival the historic battle of Cannae. The war took place Saturday during the Big Arm celebration and the 30th anniversary of the Big Arm Vol. Fire Company. All who attended were not disappointed with the kid’s carnival, magic show given by Ken Avison, bounce house, yard sale and the firemen’s burger fry. It is estimated that 400-500 people attended one or all of the events.
The water war took place on the field across from the Big Arm Vol. Fire Company and that is where Big Arm got sweet revenge by winning five battles to Polson’s one. This means the humongous 40-inch trophy filled with jellybeans will again be in the community hall above the Big Arm Fire Station. I could see tears in the eyes of Polson’s valiant warriors as they could sense the prestige of winning the annual war and jellybean filled trophy slip though their fingers. Just like last year MT Calvary Lutheran Church brought the biggest Polson contingent to fight in the war. In fact, this year they imported mercenary relatives and others and the most they could do was win a single battle against the Big Arm juggernaut! Gatlin Schiele should have taken my advice and come in a bubble, he would have left a lot dryer.The Schieles could hardly contain themselves as they retreated to Polson early and left the last four battles to destiny.
As some of you remember, I offered Polson some helpful advice before the war about how to fill ranks and handle defeat and I think it important that I continue to try and help. Do not listen to Bruce Springsteen’s song “Glory Days.” It will only remind you how it felt when you had the humongous traveling trophy and how those gourmet jellybeans tasted last year. There are self help books at the library that might help you get over the water war loss and the best ones are: If you lick your wounds use antiseptic afterwards, Reduce water intake after the Big Arm war you have already drunk enough and How to use women and kids as shields for future wins.
It was a great day for all including our Polson friends, and all of us in Big Arm look forward to hosting the events next year. Please plan on joining us next year, the last Saturday in June when the humongous traveling trophy will again be at stake.
- Paulus Maurerus, self-appointed Dictator and Mayor of Big Arm