Among Other Things: History Rewritten

Legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.

Well, not according to Svend Larsen in the current Nordman’s Vis #542 newsletter, the monthly publication he puts out for the local Sons of Norway lodge.

He says the Irish celebrate St. Patrick’s Day because it’s that date on which the Irish drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.

 He writes: “It seems some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to  Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter.

“Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irish do, decided the Norwegians had to go.

“Secretly he organized the IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid  Ireland of Norwegians).

“Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in the hope that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would not spoil.

“Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as every one knows today, thrive on spoiled fish.

“So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the fish with lye hoping to poison the invaders.

“But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much, they decided to call it LUTEFISK, which is Norwegian for ‘luscious fish.’

“Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop, and make something called lefse. Poor St. Patrick was at his wits’ end and finally on March 17, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to ‘go to H%#ll.’

“So, they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota or the Dakotas – the only other Paradise on earth, where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.”

What do you suppose the Sons of Norway are having for dinner this Saturday? Main dish is a potato casserole!