Among Other Things: Smarty Pants
My Seattle friends, George and Helen, keep replenishing my file of unusual, unbelievable, ridiculous and otherwise odd-ball stories. Here’s a selection of answers by 16-year-old students to S.A.T questions. Don’t laugh too hard – one of them could become president one day! You have to admit some are very creative.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels, and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? .
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section.”
A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
And just think, one day our social security payments may depend on these kids!