What we talk about when we talk about suicide (PART TWO)

Roxana Colman-Herak once thought her world ended when she was 24 years old. After the break up of her relationship—a relationship fraught with abuse and violence—she was tired of blaming herself for everything that was wrong. She felt trapped inside her life. Trapped with no way out of her pain that she could see. Feeling trapped and in pain led her to get a gun and sit in a room. Possibly the last room she would ever sit in. She had decided that she no longer wanted to live. There was only one thing left to do: pull the trigger.

The thoughts in her head were going in circles: Blame, shame, guilt, pain—over and over, around and around, almost to the point she didn’t hear or see anything but what she felt she had to do. That’s when she heard a faint knock at the front door.

Colman-Herak didn’t commit suicide that day in 1975; she is alive to tell the story of that unexpected intervention. The day she didn’t do it.

“Thank God for that knock,” she said. “It snapped me instantly into present time.”

Colman-Herak lives in Charlo with her husband Marty. They’ve been together for over 20 years. In October they will teach a suicide prevention and intervention course at the Salish Kootenai College. She can relate to people who feel trapped and are thinking about committing suicide because she knows what it feels like to be in a suicidal state of mind: “It doesn’t define me, it refines me.”

Her experience helps her educate others about suicide.

Colman-Herak attributes incidents to a variety of factors, but two stand out the most in her experience. The mental health of a person is a driving factor for many people. A lack of help is another. Suicidal people often have a need for confidentiality because the issue is taboo, especially in rural areas. People feel ashamed of what others will think. Medical care cost is another problem. If people have no medical coverage, they might be discouraged from seeking help. Violent and abusive relationships such as the one she found herself in when she was younger can cause mental health damage.

“It’s almost always a relationship issue,” she said. “They think the world was going to end.” Dysfunctional relationships cause people to feel trapped. When that occurs, they feel cornered. They blame themselves. “They feel they are the unworthy one, and do not reach out for help.”

Colman-Herak plans to teach a two day Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training course in October with her husband Marty, who she says helps balance her. “We’re a great team.” The course will be held at the Salish Kootenai College.

The course is free and open to the public.

The Confederated Salish Kootenai Tribes are sponsoring the course as a part of their Circle of Trust Youth Suicide Prevention Program. From a Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services grant issued last year. CSKT employs mental health professionals to help with the mission to educate citizens about suicide in Lake County and on the Flathead Indian Reservation.

Colman-Herak served as the program’s director in 2007 and served for a few years, but resigned to spend more time in education. She focuses her time specifically on the prevention and intervention methods. The program’s current director, Lena Tewawina, contracts her from the CSKT.

Suicide prevention and intervention education is not always a pleasant experience due to personal circumstances of those who enroll.

“Most people who enroll have had a direct experience with suicide,” Colman-Herak said. “They have known someone who committed suicide. We want to help them walk over the bridge of fear.” 

The first day is the most challenging because the focus of the day is teaching a set of vocabulary and communication skills that deal directly with suicide. This can make people uncomfortable upon the initial exercises. The idea is to equip members of the community with tools that will help break through barriers otherwise put up through fear, shame, and embarrassment.

Signs that someone might be considering ending their life, feeling trapped, aren’t always on the surface so the course will teach people to make a connection with someone.

“It’s hard for a lot of people. We put them in the hot seat,” she said. “We ask questions that they might encounter in a situation with another person.”

This is where listening becomes paramount to a successful connection, she said. Another shame-based fear of at-risk individuals is that they might feel they have no one to talk to about what they might be going through. No matter the circumstance, individuals who might be considering suicide should not feel ashamed of their feelings or belittled for their problems. “They hurt, and they need to share that hurt with someone.”

One aspect of the education she hopes to provide is the nature of suicide itself. Suicide does not distinguish itself between individuals, and every person has a different need.

The reality is that suicide is a choice.  An individual makes a decision as a result of personal suffering and pain not easily identifiable. “Suicide crosses boundaries,” Colman-Herak said. She cites the suicide of the actor Robin Williams last year as an example of the complexity of suffering.

The Intervention program in October is also the result of her own specialized training she received from Living Works Education (LWE) in Alberta. The organization is one of the most visible groups spreading awareness about suicide through prevention and intervention. The social enterprise has been a leading provider of training across the world since 1983.

Colman-Herak hopes that by sharing her story of suicide survival, she can help those grieving and those interested in exploring the subject by confronting fears of communication. It’s all about making a connection, creating a relationship. Not all people who are feeling suicidal can be helped. Many people can, though.

“Suicides are spontaneous; it can take no forethought.”

Prevention and intervention depends on a willingness to address the issue without being afraid before someone takes their own life.

She herself was lost once without hope for living. She hopes her story of choosing to live, while acknowledging so many others have made the other choice, will inspire another to think before making a sudden decision.

She is reminded by her suicide attempt in 1975 that one choice can change everything: the people, the land, and the fragile sense of togetherness.

“The river of suicide runs through every community. We are not alone in this.”

SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: (800) 273-8255

If you would like to attend the Two day APPLIED SUICIDE INTERVENTION SKILLS TRAINING BY ROXANA AND MARTY COLMAN-HERAK, call Roxana at (406) 210-7343 to register. Seating limited to 30. Plan to attend both days. The event is free and open to the public. A free continental breakfast & lunch provided.

When: October 16-17, 2015 (Friday and Saturday)

Time: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.

Where: Salish Kootenai College, Pablo

            Pete Beaverhead Building #67

            Room 102/118